I've never been an obsessive fan of Oprah. She seems like a nice enough person and I can appreciate the good deeds she's done for her audiences and viewers over the years. I can also give her credit for encouraging millions of housewives to read Gabriel Garcia Marquez (an author even I didn't have to read as English major with a Spanish minor) or for convincing them to read The Secret in order to make all their dreams come true. (I hate that book. That author made millions of dollars based on the simple idea of "think good thoughts and good things will come your way". Seriously, people. Duh.) So, right, she got people reading which I applaud wholeheartedly. Did I hate that people would call in for her book club selection as soon as she announced it simply because Queen Oprah said to buy it? Yes. Do I hate that people still ask me where the "Oprah Book Club" section is in our store? YES. (Because that section has never existed and it never will. Stop asking.) But I digress.
I watched her show every afternoon growing up and still tape a few of the shows she now has on her (somewhat lame) television network. One of those shows I tape is essentially her old talk show, only now it's called Oprah's Next Chapter. Most of the ones I have seen have been Oprah interviewing a celebrity, but usually not a STAR of the Hollywood variety. This week she interviewed T.D. Jakes who is a pastor, author (Woman Thou Art Loosed! Love that title.), director, and I'm sure a dozen other things I'm not listing. He's preaching about the little boy with his two fishes and five loaves of bread. Jesus blessed that food and multiplied it to feed the thousands. Jakes is making the point that Jesus is blessing that which is not enough and says, "Until you can be thankful for something that is not enough, then what you have cannot be multiplied into what is more than enough." Preach it, T.D.! I love that. I love being reminded that what I have is enough. To appreciate what I have and not always be on the search for more. It will come to you if you let it. Anything more than what you need is just gravy. Or icing on the cake. Or bacon. (You know. Whatever you consider to be the ultimate.)
"We are certain that he had two fishes and five loaves of bread when he blessed it. As he broke it, that's where we lose count. You understand then that the blessing is in the breaking." Did you catch that? "The blessing is in the breaking". Woah. Now, I don't claim to have had a very tough life. I had a wonderful childhood with wonderful parents and wonderful siblings. I have the best husband ever and friends who are there for me even when we're thousands of miles apart. But this deployment? This deployment has tested me. It's made me cry. (And not just cry, but weep.) It's made me curse. (I may have dropped the 'F-bomb' a couple of times.) It's made me throw things. (Sorry, iPhone.) It's made me worry endlessly for days on end. (My fingernails are chewed to the nub.) It's made me feel like I'm going to be alone forever. (Not so- only 125 days left!) Granted, I have a way of exaggerating for the drama, but really, this has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. 'Broken' may be too extreme for how I'm feeling, but I think 'tested' will do nicely.
So let me say that I am definitely seeing those blessings! I look at my husband in a different way than I ever did before. I just took for granted that if the internet died, he would fix it. If a lightbulb blew out, he would change it. If we had to drive somewhere, he would be in the driver's seat. If I needed someone to talk to, there he was. Now that he's not here, I appreciate him all the more for the things he's not doing. Because I know if he was here, he would be doing them. I've also been blessed by new friends whom I may never have grown so close to if my husband had been here. He consumes a lot of my attention and I don't always make time for forming new friendships. With him gone, I was forced to open myself up to new people and start friendships that I'm sure will last a lifetime. And, as silly as it may seem, I've been blessed by this cat sleeping so peacefully beside me. We got him because the deployment was imminent and I insisted on a companion. I don't know what I would do without this furry little guy by my side. I am blessed by being able to look at myself and say, "Not bad, kid." I've been stronger than I thought I would be and it's a great feeling to know that when the worst comes, I'm strong enough to handle it. By myself. With my cat. But always with God.
